Thank you for sharing the post "Desperate to Help." I agree that it starts with an open mind. That is often times very difficult to do with things and circumstances that we do not not understand or refuse to accept brcause of our own fears, personal convictions, religious views or lack of acceptance to that which we cannot understand. Being in strong denial about their son is the reality for most transgenderd folks, whether they be young or old.
How can this be? Why? Not my child.. These may be some of the things they are saying to themselves over and over again. I will make a strong point on behalf of the child. Most if not all transgendered persons have and often state some type of "knowing" since early childhood. Dont ask me how, but, we know. It doesnt necessarily have to be connected to any life event. Some people like to connect the dots with what ever may have been "missing" in the childs life so that it can make sense to them. ( the parent or family loved ones.) What they can't understand is the why and how come because who they are and who they feel they are on the inside match. It's congruent. They don't feel trapped with who they are on the outside and who they are on the inside. This is what I refer to as the struggle. The child is "acting" on their true feelings about who they REALLY feel they are. It's only when we are told and "shamed" about it being wrong that we begin to question ourselves against the rest of the world. This sets up a whole new world of problems mentally, socially and developementaly for the child. His behavior and defiance towards others, not fitting in socially with his peers is because he doesn't feel like he fits in as he is supposed to according to his parents, society and even his peers. This leads to anger, shame and avoidance because being someone who you are not is uncomfortable and awkward. He will continue to act out and be angry as long as he feels trapped in his body and circumstances. His autism and developemental problems already make it difficult to try and function in a society that is not equipped to deal with that either. The dysphoria fuels his autism and develemental issues.